Sign my yearbook, please! (originally posted January 22, 2009)

In Elementary School I was the Student Body President, in high school I was part of the Homecoming court and ASB, in college I was the ASB President for the University. I would walk down the hall and manage to wave or smile at someone and know they knew me. That was such a power-trip - knowing that in some alternate universe that I just happened to be in, there were people who actually knew me because they wanted to know me and be associated with me.

Nowadays, I walk down the hallways and have a hard time making eye contact with a person in fear they may not understand me.

Social anxiety at 2* can't be normal.

Aren't we all supposed to go through the social ineptitude phase during the awkward years? You know, those years when you try really really hard to impress people because somewhere deep inside you still actually hoped people would think you were someone special. Those wretched years when it actually mattered how many people actually took your yearbook to their next class because you hoped that they would actually need more time to write in it and tell you how "great it was to finally get to know you," or how "... fun it was this year to become best friends."

Some of my coworkers and I went out to lunch at Fiddler's yesterday to catch up on our gossip of which employee isn't much use to the company and what we planned on doing on our weekends. They're fairly what I would consider, "developed adults" where as I am just an "adult." They joked about how much they used to go out when they were my age - partying from Wednesday to Saturday night and resting on Sunday.

I sat there with no real stories except that I don't really go out. I don't go clubbing or bar-hopping often and I definitely am not the best at parties. The social anxiety kicks in and I can't seem to shake it off.

What a bad way to live your twenties.

Or is it, self preservation?